Family Matters
by Elephantian
Summary: The bohemians always talk about being family. Well, what if they really were blood related? [very, very AU] [for challenge 28] [twoshot]
1. One Happy Family

**This is for Challenge #28 at Challenge Central. This is going to be a twoshot, by the way.**

**CHALLENGE 28: has to at least mention both Mark Cohen and Roger Davis in fic. Can be slash or friendship. Any other characters allowed. The Challenge for this is simple: create an AU that has never been done before, or at least you believe that it has never been done before. It can be a very slightly different universe or you can be totally mad or humorous with it. (just remember to keep the quality of writing up). TRIPLE POINTS for creativity! And above all, Have Fun!**

**Oh, pairings were not done by what they usually are (CollinsAngel, RogerMimi(or Mark), JoanneMaureen. They're just really random and I 'assigned' the bohemians their place in the family by their personality. Just thought you'd all like to know that.

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Joanne sighed and rubbed her temples, trying to nurse the headache she'd received from having the baby cry all afternoon. And, unluckily for her, her five-year-old daughter had been bugging Joanne to play dress up.

"Not now," Joanne told her daughter, "I'm trying to take care of the baby."

"You love Marky more than you love me," Maureen pouted, tears coming to her eyes and dripping down onto the feather boa she was currently wearing.

"That's not true," Joanne reassured.

"Yes it is!" Maureen screamed.

Joanne moaned to herself. Why did her only daughter have to be such a drama queen?

As if to make matters worse, her teenage son walking into the room at just that moment. "Now you know how I felt when you were born," he grumbled.

"What do you want Roger?" Joanne asked.

"Just some money," he answered, "April and I are going out tonight."

"Where are you going?" Joanne interrogated.

"To the movies," Roger answered, "We're gonna see The Omen."

"How do you teens like those scary movies?" the mother asked rhetorically, "Will twenty dollars be enough?"

Her eldest son nodded eagerly.

"This better be for the movies and not for more drugs," Joanne muttered, reluctantly handing Roger a twenty-dollar bill.

She sighed as she watched Roger run out the door to meet his girlfriend. Her little boy was growing up so fast. Before she knew it even little Mark was going to be going off to college.

The thought of being left alone well her children grew brought a tear to Joanne's eye. What would she do without rebellious Roger and drama queen Maureen? And what about baby Mark, who hadn't even come down with a personality bug? What would she do without her children?

"Mommy, are you okay?" Maureen asked as a single tear made its way down her mother's face.

"I'm fine Reeny," Joanne answered, hastily wiping the tear away, "Just got something in my eye."

Mother and daughter's heads turned towards the door as a familiar voice rang through the house. "I'm home!"

"Daddy!" Maureen shouted, running up to her father and jumping into a hug.

"How are my two girls?" Benny asked, "And special little guy?" he added after seeing Mark.

"I got a hundred percent on my ABC book in school! And I played house with Elsie and we got to be the mommy's! And Mommy wouldn't play dress up with me," Maureen complained, "She was too busy taking care of Poopy-Pants,"

"Now Maureen, don't call your little brother names," Benny contradicted, "Now Jo, how was _your_ day?"

Joanne sighed and smiled. "It was great Benny," she answered, "Hey, could you watch Marky while I make dinner? Collins, Angel and Mimi are coming over."

Maureen's face lit up. "Uncle Collins and Aunt Angel and cousin Mimi are coming over?"

Joanne nodded and Maureen squealed with delight. "I can't wait to play with Mimi! She's so pretty! And maybe Aunt Angel will bring me more dress up clothes."

"Don't count on it kiddo," Joanne said, "Now go clean up your room- it's a mess!"

"But Roger never has to clean his room!" Maureen whined.

"But you're not Roger, so go clean," Joanne instructed, "And if you're working hard and your room is spotless before everyone comes over I'll get you that Barbie doll you want so much."

That made Maureen scurry upstairs in a flash.

"Speaking of Roger, where is he?" Benny asked, "I haven't seen him all day."

"He went with April to the movies," Joanne answered, stuffing the baby into Benny's arms before moving to the kitchen.

While she cooked, Joanne listened to her husband interact with the baby.

"Look Marky, it's a doggy," she heard Benny say in his baby voice, "Can you say 'doggy'?"

Joanne heard gurgling and assumed Mark was putting the toy in his mouth like he usually did.

"No Mark, you can't play with my video camera, so don't even ask."

That made Joanne curious. Setting down her knife, she went into the other room, laughing when she saw Marky crawl away from Benny and reach for the video camera that was innocently lying on the coffee table.

"I'm telling you Jo," Benny began, "Mark's going to be a filmmaker. And a lonely one at that."

"Don't say that!" Joanne teased, "Mark's not going to be lonely! He'll have lots of friends!"

"Trust me on this," Benny said, "Anyway, I guessed right with Reeny and Roger."

Before she could say a word the doorbell rang, causing Joanne to panic. "Oh no! They're here and I haven't even finished dinner!"

"Here," Benny said, handing the baby over, "Go greet out guests and _I'll_ finish dinner."

Joanne smiled at him thankfully before rushing to answer the door.

"Auntie Jo!" Mimi shouted, giving her aunt a hug, "And Marky! He's getting so big! Can I hold him?"

Joanne smiled. "Of course," she answered, "Just be careful."

"I will," Mimi said before taking her cousin and putting him on the floor gently so they could play.

"Joanne chica, so good to see you!" Angel said, giving her sister-in-law a hug.

"It's so good to see you too Angel," Joanne said, returned the hug, "Where's Collins?"

"Working late. Apparently there was some kind of surprise, mandatory staff meeting, so he won't be here until later."

Joanne nodded. "Come in, come in," she said, ushering Angel into the living room, "Have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"Just some water with a little lemon," Angel answered, glancing down happily at her daughter and youngest nephew.

After fetching the requested drink, Joanne headed upstairs to check on her own daughter.

"Fee, fie, foe, fum," Joanne said playfully, "When I come in you better be done!"

She burst through the door and her smile turned upside down. Maureen's room was, if possible, worse than before!

"Maureen, why aren't you cleaning?" Joanne asked.

"I'm sorry Mommy," Maureen answered, "But then I found my toy cow, but I couldn't find her calf, so I started looking for it. And then I remembered that I put it with my dress up clothes, and then I started playing dress up and I was the princess and then you came in. I'm sorry Mommy."

"Well, you're not coming downstairs to see anyone until this room is cleaned!" Joanne said.

Maureen's eyes squinted with fury and Joanne braced herself for what was coming next.

"I'LL DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO!" Maureen screamed, her face red and tears streaming down her face, "I'LL SEE UNCLE COLLINS AND AUNT ANGEL AND MIMI WHENEVER I WANT TO! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!"

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Joanne said, taking a big risk by acknowledging her temper-tantrum-throwing daughter, "But I'm your mother and you'll listen to me."

"NO YOU DON'T!" Maureen cried, stomping her foot, "YOU'RE NOT SORRY! YOU'RE ONLY SORRY THAT I'M YOUR DAUGHTER! YOU HATE ME! I'LL JUST RUN AWAY SO YOU CAN JUST HAVE ROGER AND MARK! THEN YOU'D BE HAPPY! EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPIER WITH ME GONE!"

With that Maureen collapsed on her bed, pounding the pillow with her little fists and sobbing uncontrollably. Joanne, knowing that her daughter just needed a few minutes to calm down, gently shut the door and went downstairs to attend to the rest of her family.

"Is Maureen okay?" Mimi asked as soon as his wife appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah, she just needs to cool down," Joanne answered with a slight smile.

Just then the door flew open and Roger and April walked in.

"Hey everyone," Roger said, "This is my girlfriend, April. April, this is my mom, baby brother Mark, Aunt Angel and cousin Mimi. We came home because the movie was sold out and we wanted a free meal."

Joanne smiled. "It's nice of you to join us you two."

"Well, we'll be up in my room," Roger said simply, "Hey Meems, why don't you join us? I'm sure you and April would get along. We're all the same age anyway."

With a huge smile plastered on her face Mimi hopped up from her post on the floor with Marky and followed Roger and April upstairs.

"They grow up so fast," Angel mumbled, plucking Mark up from the floor and bouncing him on his knee, "Just yesterday it seemed like I was feeding Mimi chica from a bottle and changing her diapers."

"I know exactly how you feel," Joanne muttered, wrapping her arms around herself and leaning against the wall, her eyes closed in thought.

However, the doorbell made her jump. Sighing, she rushed to get it.

"Collins!" Joanne said happily, "Glad you could come!"

"Same Jo," he said, kissing her lightly on the cheek, "And look it who I brought."

The smile faded from Joanne's lips. "Maureen, what are you doing?"

"Running away," she said, "Because you don't love me anymore."

"Oh sweetie, that's not true," Joanne said, giving her daughter a hug, "I love you more than you could ever imagine and that's not about to change! Now why don't you take Mark upstairs and join Roger and Mimi and April?"

Maureen nodded happily and, after fetching her brother, rushed upstairs.

"Kids," Joanne mumbled, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em."


	2. A Morning with Woger

**Hope you guys l hope you like this. Oh, and since Mark's just a little kid he says stuff weird. For the most part you can tell what he means. Also, the last chapter really had no meaning whatsoever other than to just set the mood and introduce the 'new' characters.**

**I don't own RENT.**

"Wake up Woger!" Mark yelled, running into his older brother's room, "Wake up! Uncle Collins is taking us out today!"

Roger grumbled and shoved his four-year-old brother off his bed. "Go away Marky," he said, "I'll be up in a little bit."

Mark's lower lip began to tremble. "But Woger," he whined, tears filling his blue eyes.

Roger, having gone through one younger sibling already, could spot the signals of a tantrum before it took full control. "Alright, I'm coming," he said, "You woke me up at…five in the morning on my day off and Uncle Collins isn't coming until one in the afternoon. Happy now?"

Mark grinned and nodded vigorously. "Woger, I'm hungwee."

"Well, what do you want?" Roger asked, grabbing a chocolate poptart for himself.

"Mac and cheese!" Mark said.

"You can't have mac and cheese for breakfast," Roger said, "How about a waffle?"

"I want mac and cheese!"

"You can't have mac and cheese for breakfast!" Roger said sternly.

"I WANT MAC AND CHEESE!" Mark screamed, stamping his foot on the ground.

"YOU CAN'T HAVE THE FUCKING MAC AND CHEESE FOR BREAKFAST SO STOP WHINING ABOUT IT YOU BIG BABY!" Roger yelled back.

Mark started sobbing hysterically and Roger rubbed his temples. His day was off to a bad start already.

"Come here Marky," he said, picking up the crying toddler, "Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell. You can have mac and cheese for lunch, but I'll make you some Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast, okay? I know you like those."

Mark nodded and rubbed his eyes, sniffing.

"We still friends?" Roger asked.

Mark nodded again and gave his brother a hug.

"Can…can I have chocowit chip pancakes?" Mark asked quietly.

"Of course you can," Roger answered, putting the boy down, "Here, I'll put on a movie for you to watch while I make breakfast, okay? Go pick out a movie."

Mark nodded and dashed off, returning with 'The Omen'. "I wanna watch this movie!"

"Sorry, but no," Roger said, "This movie's too scary. How about I just turn on some cartoons?"

Before Marky could answer, Roger picked up the remote and began flipping through channels. "Do you like Bugs Bunny?" he asked as the rabbit appeared on the screen.

Mark nodded and sat down on the couch, entranced by Bugs' miraculous escapes from Elmer Fudd.

"That was easy enough," Roger mused as he got out the various ingredients for the pancakes.

Soon enough they were done and Roger turned off the TV. "Breakfast time," he said, laughing as Mark quickly scurried to the table and began eating.

Roger sat down next his brother, watching him eat. "Don't forget to drink your milk," Roger said, motioning towards the glass.

"Can I have a twisty straw?" Mark asked.

"Sure," Roger said, getting up to get Mark's favorite twisty straw.

On the way he noticed a note on the fridge and picked it up.

_Roger,_

_Your Dad and I took Maureen to tryouts for the district show. We don't know what it's going to be yet, and you know how Maureen can't stand surprises. Aunt Angel and Mimi are out of town so Angel can show off some of her work. Uncle Collins will be picking you and Mark up at one, so be ready. Please take good care of your brother while we're gone._

_-Mom_

Roger rolled his eyes. He already knew all of that. Dad had told him yesterday. Oh well.

"Oopsie," Mark said suddenly and Roger spun around.

"Mark!" he whined, looking at the milk all over his little brother, the table and the floor, "What did you do?"

"It spilled," he said quietly, "I'm sorry."

Roger sighed. "That's okay," he mumbled, "Come on, let's change you out of these dirty clothes and give you a bath."

"Can it be a bubble bath?" Mark asked.

"Sure, why not?" Roger replied, "I may even join you, seeing as Mom and Dad have that jumbo tub. What would you think of that?"

"Fun, fun!" Mark answered, clapping his hands.

"Alright, well, let me go get the water running." Roger said, taking his brother's sticky hand and leading him upstairs.

"Seeing as it's summer, I'm sure it wouldn't be too bad if you ran around the house in underwear until the bath was ready. It's better than sticky clothes." Roger mused, helping his little brother take off his pajama shirt and shorts after the water began running in the tub.

"I see a certain someone likes Superman," Roger said, chuckling, glancing at Mark's underwear.

"I'm Super Mark!" Mark said, stretching his arms out.

Roger picked up his brother and gently tossed him in the air. "You're flying!" he managed to say before catching the giggling boy.

Roger was slightly envious of Mark for a moment. He was being tossed up in the air (an act his father could never fulfill with a bad back) and got to strut around the house in nothing but underwear. Well, he may not have been able to been thrown in the air, but no one else was home except Mark, and it's not like he would care.

With that, Roger pulled off his ACDC shirt and flannel, plaid pants, revealing his boxers, which just happened to be blue and covered in mini Superman symbols.

"Look!" Roger said, "I'm Super Roger! And I'm going to kidnap Super Mark and take him into my watery lair!"

Roger scooped up his little brother and took him away to the bathroom, where the tub was full of warm water and bubbles.

Roger gently lowered himself and little brother into the water, sighing with relief at the soothing touch of the liquid.

"Look," Mark said, piling bubbles onto his chin, "I'm Santa Clause!"

"Careful," Roger said, smiling, "Don't get any in your eyes."

Mark nodded and continued piling the bubbles onto the end of his chin.

"Bubbles later," Roger said, "First we have to get clean."

With that he pulled the soup off the counter and squirted it into a washcloth, and rubbing it on his brother's milk-covered body, Mark laughing when it went over his ticklish spots.

"Now the shampoo and you can play with the bubbles all you want," Roger said, rubbing some Johnson's Baby Shampoo into Mark's damp hair.

"Now look at the ceiling," Roger instructed, pouring a cup of water over his brother's head numerous times so the shampoo would wash out.

"All done."

Mark smiled and grabbed a big pile of bubbles and rubbed all over his brother's body. "Now you're white like Bugs Bunny," he said, his giggling interrupted with a yawn.

"It looks like someone's sleepy," Roger said, "Come on, let's get dried off and then we can take a quick snooze before Uncle Collins gets here."

Mark nodded and fell sleepily into his brother's chest, his eyelids drooping. Roger scooped him up and dried both Mark and himself off with a towel. After helping Mark into another pair of clean pajamas and putting on his own pair of clean pants he carried Mark into his room.

"Wanna sleep with me in my bed for a while?" Roger asked.

Mark nodded and yawned, letting his head rest on Roger's shoulder.

Roger carefully put his brother down on one side of the bed and quickly joined him on the other.

"Sleep tight Marky," he said, kissing his brother on the head, the scent of the baby shampoo filling his nostrils.

"Night-night Woger," Mark said before drifting off to sleep.


End file.
